You know, it’s not just coffee. Not to me at least.

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I struggle with allowing my husband to give me “time”. And by time I mean, just let me choose to do what I want to do without worrying about the kids or any kind of overhanging responsibility. The guilt eats me up. It cripples me and leaves me feeling like I’m a horrible wife. In fact the conversation usually goes like this:
AJ – “I made you coffee. You relax today and I’ll take the kids”
Me – *immediately jumping out of bed* “No I’m okay! I’ll drink the coffee after I get the kids settled”
AJ – “No really, I’ve got them. You relax”
Me – “No I’m okay! You just worked three day with majorly sick Covid patients YOU are the one that needs to relax!”
AJ – “But I’m telling you…”
Me – “No no, you relax, I’ll take care of the kids”
(Kids are screaming while this is happening).
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I know this may sound like a mundane conversation between a husband and wife but it’s common and filled with underlying unspoken guilt. Truth is I really did need that time. I needed it for my heart and my mind. And it’s NOT his fault. I just… do not allow him to help me. And it’s not because he isn’t willing or isn’t capable. I just… feel guilty.

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But I’m trying to change that. I’m trying to allow the times he gives me to be actually acknowledged, appreciated, and used. I’ve been praying about a servant’s heart and along with that a willingness to see what I need to do to be a better version, a better servant (not slave) to my family. And in order to do that, I really need to be willing to take the time that’s given, for myself.

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Does anyone else struggle with accepting help and taking the “time” that is given to us? No matter how badly we need it? If you are, I say, take the help. You’re still a wonderful wife and mother. Drink the coffee 🤍