You know, it’s not just coffee. Not to me at least.
I struggle with allowing my husband to give me “time”. And by time I mean, just let me choose to do what I want to do without worrying about the kids or any kind of overhanging responsibility. The guilt eats me up. It cripples me and leaves me feeling like I’m a horrible wife. In fact the conversation usually goes like this:
AJ – “I made you coffee. You relax today and I’ll take the kids”
Me – *immediately jumping out of bed* “No I’m okay! I’ll drink the coffee after I get the kids settled”
AJ – “No really, I’ve got them. You relax”
Me – “No I’m okay! You just worked three day with majorly sick Covid patients YOU are the one that needs to relax!”
AJ – “But I’m telling you…”
Me – “No no, you relax, I’ll take care of the kids”
(Kids are screaming while this is happening).
I know this may sound like a mundane conversation between a husband and wife but it’s common and filled with underlying unspoken guilt. Truth is I really did need that time. I needed it for my heart and my mind. And it’s NOT his fault. I just… do not allow him to help me. And it’s not because he isn’t willing or isn’t capable. I just… feel guilty.
But I’m trying to change that. I’m trying to allow the times he gives me to be actually acknowledged, appreciated, and used. I’ve been praying about a servant’s heart and along with that a willingness to see what I need to do to be a better version, a better servant (not slave) to my family. And in order to do that, I really need to be willing to take the time that’s given, for myself.
Does anyone else struggle with accepting help and taking the “time” that is given to us? No matter how badly we need it? If you are, I say, take the help. You’re still a wonderful wife and mother. Drink the coffee 🤍