I yelled at my daughter today.
This isn’t earth shattering to some (to most but not all that feel safe enough to admit — yelling at our kids comes with the parental territory). And before you start in on me about parenting techniques let me stop you… this isn’t a post about my ability or inability to parent. No. This is merely a wounded mother reflecting on the one thing that saves me when my temper rises and my mouth moves faster than my heart. My daughters are God-filled grace givers. With more grace in their tiny little fingers than I have in my entire body.
I yelled at Hanalei. She woke up at 4am, after an excruciatingly difficult late night conversation with AJ about marriage (let’s just keep it at that) and proceeded to loudly play on her iPad that she knows she is not allowed to play with at night after bed. She snuck it in. She lied. And I lost it.
I’d like to say I was able to forgive her immediately after but I went to bed tired, angry, hurt that she lied, and ultimately defeated. When I woke up I was still angry. But I also felt extremely guilty. I let my little girl fall asleep to her mother yelling at her. I’m awful. I’m a horrible awful mother. How scared she must have felt. How hurt and upset at me she much be. How could she ever forgive me.
As I’m sitting there thinking this to myself, Hanalei comes in the room, big smile on her face, and says, “mama. Mama, I love you very much. Can I have a hug?”
She loves me very much. Felt safe enough to want a hug even. She didn’t make me beg for forgiveness. She had already given it. Without a second thought.
And she broke me and I cried. God is a giver in ways we never truly understand or fathom. He gives so greatly in our most desperate hours. And God gives grace abundantly through our children. I know you’ve seen it. The freeness of their forgiveness. God does that. And it’s healing to my worn down broken spirit.
Mamas, if you’ve received forgiveness today from your child, let’s hear it. Let’s lift up and be thankful for the amazing little forgivers God has given us. So we may see Him and His love ever more greatly. ♥️