I’ve probably stopped and started this post about 15x through broken tears in the last hour. The realities of my life right now aren’t as Instagram picture perfect as I’d like them to be and honestly, I think I’ve been a little ashamed. But, this is it. •
This is my “office”. The dining room table in all it’s glory, meshed with afternoon kid’s coloring and snack time. Thats our electrical. Unfinished and exposed. And around the corner is a stair with NO railing. A kitchen with no groceries (but plenty of DoorDash bags) and counter stacks of what I’m sure are bills and important papers that I keep saying in my head “oh I need to get to that” and keep forgetting to. That’s just the snippet. Once you tap into my brain, the mess continues. I desire so much to be able to sit at my desk for long periods of time, and artfully, tenderly, create without seizing, all the silhouette illustrations on my current “todo” designer board for D&D. But I’m pretty sure that was my newest walker heading up the no railing stairs, and my toddler climbing over the ottoman that I use as a barrier. It’s never ending. And as soon as the night time comes and the goodnight kisses commence, the war for bedtime begins. No one gets sleep. No one is rested and. I. Am. Tapped. Out. .
I’m doing my best. I really am. It’s not great but it’s still all I can give. I’m really not sure I can give anymore. I’m a wife. I’m a mother. I’m a business owner. And I know I cannot give up. But ya’ll, I need God. I need Him to show me how. How I can just think through one more crisis. One more renovation let down (can’t get into that now). One more moment of fear over finances. One more anxious thought of my girls getting injured in my own home. One more step to eating healthier. One more tear that He can heal. I need him to show me how to get through this. •
I know I’m not the only one feeling the exhaustion and despair. I hope in sharing this you feel comfort knowing that tonight I’m also desperately crying out to God. Asking Him for the same things you are. Sister, I need God. If you need God too, please let me know. I want to include you in my prayers. I love you and you are absolutely not alone.